Guess what! Tomorrow (December 13th, 2015) is my 22nd birthday!

I’ve been reflecting on my life and I would like to share with you 22 lessons I’ve learned in my 22 years of life.

Note, this post contains affiliate links because I’ve included some recommendations of books I love. I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.

1. Excellence is different from perfection.

There is a healthy pursuit of excellence…and then there is an impossible pursuit of perfection. I’m definitely one who tends to error on the side of perfectionism. I know I should always strive to do my best and be my best, but there’s a point when we can disappoint or even hurt ourselves by expecting perfection. As I say in my post “Movement Myths: I have to see results to count it as improvement,” even small improvement is growth.

2. I don’t have to be perfect.

Striving for perfection without giving ourselves grace is just setting ourselves up for feeling like a failure. We are human. Humans mess up. Therefore, it’s ok to mess up. It’s how you handle your mess ups that truly define your character.

Once I realized I don’t have to be perfect, I could finally breathe again and continue pursuing excellence more easily because of the weight that had been lifted off of my shoulders.

3. Food shouldn’t control you or define you.

Almost 4 years ago I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. It totally changed my lifestyle. I realized how much we focus our social lives around food! Going out to eat with friends, dates, parties, weddings. There’s always food! I thought I would never be able to have a social life again because of my disease, but 4 years later it is becoming easier. I now find myself having more self-control and discipline than before.

4. Eating gluten free is easier than I thought.

Sure, it’s still hard sometimes–like when I need to go to someone’s house or go out to eat. But now I’ve learned how to cook gluten free and it’s not as hard as I thought it would be. I still miss a good yeasty roll or doughnut, but I’ve found many other delicious things I can eat. I’ve heard people say before, “Oh I would just die if I couldn’t have bread.” Well, guess what. I’m alive! …And well! And like I said in #3, I feel more free now! Because I’ve gotten so used to turning down desserts (because they almost always contained gluten), I now have better self-control even when there are foods I can eat. Just because I can eat something doesn’t mean I should. These realizations have helped me be more aware of what I put in my body, making me a healthier person.

5. It’s not bad to be an introvert.

Living in a very extroverted culture, I often felt like something was wrong with me. Several things happened in my journey, including reading The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney , that brought me awareness of all of the strengths and advantages of being an introvert. I finally understood myself and knew that I was not alone!

6. INFJs are one of the rarest personality type.

Though I gained clarity on introversion, within a year I began feeling different even from the introverts! Then I discovered that I was an INFJ, read descriptions that fit me perfectly, and finally met other INFJs who actually understood me on a deeper level! To this day I would still think I was insane if it wasn’t for that test and finding a couple like-minded INFJ friends.

7. You can’t change people.

I love helping people and so one of the hardest things I had to learn is that I cannot help someone if they don’t want the help. No one will change unless if they are ready to change. Sometimes I just wish I could make decisions for people! It would save them so much hurt! But, alas, there comes a point when all I can do is step back, pray for them, and wait. Even when people ask for my help, it won’t truly help them unless if they understand and choose to do something about it. You can read more about my thoughts on people and change here.

8. The word “nauseous” is different than “nauseated.”

Strunk, the author of The Elements of Style, taught me that I’ve been using the word “nauseous” wrong for years! Apparently the word that should be used for “sick to the stomach” is “nauseated,” not “nauseous.” “Nauseous” actually means “sickening to contemplate.” Who knew!?

9. Conviction and guilt are not always the same.

There are 2 different kinds of guilt: 1. the kind of guilt that starts with conviction and can end in correction and 2. the kind of guilt that brings feelings of shame, condemnation, and worthlessness. The one can hurt, but the other causes true harm.  The one helps you do better and the other holds you down.  I am quick to feel guilt, but it is not always helpful. More often times than not, I feel overly guilty and get strapped down in sorrowful shame. That is unhealthy. That does not help me be a better person, but rather keeps me feeling fear and failure. I am learning the difference between the healthy conviction and the harmful shame.

10. I like traditions more than I thought.

Compared to many, I feel like I handle change quite well. However, I’ve learned that certain traditions mean more to me than I realized. For example, I cried when my parents got a Christmas tree without me while I was away at college. I didn’t know it meant so much to me, but a tradition that I hadn’t missed a single year of was now broken. As I talk about in the post, “I won’t have any friends if I pursue self-improvement”, change can be hard. I like my traditions, but sometimes I must let go of the old if I want to make room for what’s better and new.

11. Time goes by faster each year.

At least that’s how it feels. Perhaps it’s because when you’re 5, 1 year is 1/5 of your life, but when you’re 22, 1 year is only 1/22 of your life. So enjoy each moment while it lasts.

12. No matter how old you get, you always need a pajama day.

I’ll always love those days that I don’t have to get dressed. Comfort. Rest. Wonderful. (add a bowl of cereal and cartoons to make it even better!)

13. It’s nearly impossible not to appreciate someone once you know their story.

Everyone has a story. The more you know about someone’s life and past, the more you understand that person. Even if they’re making bad choices, at least you can feel some sympathy and hope they can change, rather than hoping the worst for them.

14. You can’t give to others if you have nothing to give.

It’s like that analogy of the oxygen mask on a plane–they say you should put your mask on first so that you can then better help others. It’s the same in life–you must take care of yourself in order to be able to effectively take care of anyone else. If your cup is empty, you have nothing to pour out.

15. I hardly know anything.

The more I know, the more I know I don’t know.

16. Sometimes taking a risk is better than never trying at all.

I am a pretty cautious person, but there are times when I just need to get out of my comfort zone and take that risk. In my senior year of high school, I tried out for show choir and the school play–both things I hardly any experience with. And I made both! If I would’ve spent too much time thinking about it and using “logic” in fear, I may have never tried out.

17. You don’t truly know if you’re good at something until you try.

It’s easy to make assumptions about your skill, especially when you’ve done something similar…but you never truly know if you could be good at something unless if you try it for awhile. You may be surprised!

18. Boundaries don’t make you bad.

There seems to be a misconception that when someone sets boundaries, it means they don’t want you in their life. But in reality, they’re giving you chances to have a healthy relationship. A wise person sets boundaries to protect herself and not enable bad behavior. An unhealthy person will allow someone to cross her lines without consequence. There is a difference between forgiving and encouraging someone to repeat unacceptable behavior. Just like a loving parent does–set boundaries and follow through on consequences for breaking those boundaries. That doesn’t make you bad; that sets you and your friend up for a successful, healthy relationship.

19. You can get more work done when you take time for rest.

I used to think pushing hard would make my week more productive, but I found that whenever I took a good break for myself, I actually became more productive that week. Read more about that here!

20. “Good guys” and “bad guys” don’t exist in real life.

In the movies, heroes and villains, good guys and bad guys, are very clearly defined. You always root for the good guy and hope the bad guy loses…or dies! I love the show Once Upon a Time, but I used to be frustrated whenever they’d have some flash back or scene to make you start to feel sorry for the bad guy! Or the good guy would do something evil! Come on, guys! I just want to know who to root for! It used to make me so mad! But I began to realize: this is life. In real life, rarely anyone is clearly defined as a “good guy” or “bad guy” because everyone makes mistakes and everyone has potential for good. Now I absolutely love the show for its beautiful and realistic character development. That’s how life is and we should be careful whenever we begin to think of any other human being as either “good” or “bad.”

21. Some friends are seasonal and some friends are perennial…and that’s ok.

As a very caring person, I always have a really hard time whenever I sense a friendship fading away. It used to just break my heart! But now I’ve learned that there are friends you will have for a short time in your life and there are the rare few that will stay with you for life. That, however, does not mean that any friend is less loved than another. I’ve had friends that I know God placed in my life for a very particular time and reason; I am so incredibly thankful for those friendships. However, I also know that life naturally separates us because we grow up and must move on. That’s life. There is the rare friend that may stay a close friend forever, but most of the time you have friends that are only in your life for a season. Cherish those friendships while they are present. Though I literally cannot keep up with every single friend I’ve ever had in my life, I still love every single one oh so very dearly and am thankful for the time they were in my life. If you’d like to read more on this subject, I highly recommend the book, The Friendships of Women by Dee Brestin.

22. Sometimes it’s not the most talented who make it, but those who stick with it the longest.

That lesson definitely gives me hope. Have you ever listened to a song or read a book and thought “I could do better than this!” Well, I’m sure so many have…but how many have actually taken that step in getting their work out there? Just doing it puts you ahead of millions. Sometimes it’s not always the most talented who make it, but those who have put in the hard work and keep with it longer than anyone else.

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It’s been a great 22 years. I hope this next year will be full of many more lessons and growth.

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