Ok so I have to say first: There is NO good time to warn the masses against passive-aggressiveness. It will very likely come across as passive aggressive to someone. So understand that before you get all angry and comment saying “Aren’t YOU being passive aggressive by writing this??”. Know that I’m really not trying to be. This is something I’ve seen again and again for years. I’ve wanted to say something but feared it would come across just as passive aggressive. So here I am finally saying something because it needs to be said.
It’s also important to note that it’s not only the stereotypical teenager who does this…I’ve actually seen more women in their 40s post passive aggressively than any teenagers. And that makes me even sadder. Teenagers are at least still learning and growing. There’s NO excuse for an adult to act this way.
Also know I say these things in love. I don’t want any of you to ruin your reputation and respect by posting something rashly. It takes just one post to change someone’s perspective of you forever. Don’t do that to yourself, friend.
You’re not being as clever as you think you are.
EVERYONE knows what you’re doing. So don’t think you’re being cute or super sneaky. ‘Cause you’re not. Being passive aggressive is not new. We all know what you’re really feeling and trying to say.
Posting passive aggressively is a form of gossip.
You may think you’re avoiding gossiping because you’re giving no details, but some people will know just what you’re talking about and others will be made to wonder what’s going on. THIS IS STILL CONSIDERED GOSSIP! Vague gossip is still gossip (possibly even worse because it leaves room for the imagination). You may also think you’re being a good person by not straight up insulting someone to their face, but you couldn’t be more wrong. “Indirectly” insulting someone is still insulting someone. Not using any names but shouting to Facebook about “those people” or “those liars” or “don’t you hate when someone…” or a super vague “you”, etc. is still being mean and insulting (even if no one knows who you’re talking about…but I’m sure some people do know…And YOU know, so check your heart).
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29) Is what you’re saying being helpful for building others up? No? Then don’t say it or post it!
Or in the wisdom of Thumper’s mother, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Anyone who posts something passive aggressively will ALWAYS come across as an immature bratty child.
There’s no way around it. There’s no exception. You may think you’re being cute, sneaky, “just venting”, gaining sympathy, helping the world (which I think is really twisted), etc. etc. but 99% of your Facebook friends are really just rolling their eyes and losing respect for you. The 1% who are your friends commenting on your passive aggressive post to comfort you and egg you on are very likely also the ones who regularly post passive-aggressively. So don’t let the immature 1% fool you. You are making yourself look reeealllly bad and reeealllly immature.
It can hurt those you didn’t mean to hurt.
When you post something vague and passive-aggressive there are probably a few people who are thinking “Is she/he talking about me??” And now they’re either hurt or now feeling paranoid and nervous around you. I know I’ve thought that before even though it didn’t make logical sense for it to be about me because I’m certain I’ve been nothing but nice to that person, but I can’t help but feel nervous for a second because they didn’t make it clear who they’re talking about.
You’re hurting a lot of innocent people out there. Or at the very least making some people nervous to talk to you because they think if they say or do something wrong you’ll passive aggressively attack them on Facebook, too! It’s the same with gossipers–when someone gossips to you (or you overhear someone gossiping) it makes you afraid to be their friend because you know they’ll talk just as easily about YOU behind your back, too.
You are showing future generations that it’s ok to be passive aggressive.
Younger people are watching. Your own children may be watching. You complain about “those teenagers” who act all immature…while you yourself are teaching them how to be immature. Set a good example to those younger than you.
Contrary to popular belief: IT DOESN’T HELP ANYTHING!
It doesn’t solve the problem. If you have a problem with someone, the mature and healthy thing to do is go directly talk to that person. Don’t go to your friend. Don’t go to yo momma. Don’t go to your bible study and share gossip disguised as a “prayer request.” GO FREAKIN TALK TO THAT PERSON YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AND THAT PERSON ONLY!!! You help no one by posting passive aggressively on social media. The only thing you’re maybe “helping” is your ego, but as I said before you’re actually just ruining your reputation and people are losing all respect for you.
You may say “oh, but I’m just venting.” Yeah NO you’re not. But if you really do need to vent, then get a diary or see a counselor where what you say is actually kept private. “I need to lash out here so I don’t lash out at the person.” You’re already lashing out at the person and bringing down others and your reputation with you, so you’re actually causing more damage than if you lashed out at the person one on one (not that you should lash out, but it’s better than doing it publicly). And, dang, just learn some SELF-CONTROL. Maybe try some yoga. “I just need some comfort right now and to have my feelings validated.” Yeahhhh now you’re finally starting to be a little honest here. Everyone wants to be comforted and to feel validated, myself included, but sometimes being a healthy and mature adult means working through things on your own and with the person you have a problem with. And maybe even get a professional–not yo best friend or yo momma or some person you sneakily spoke to beforehand to get them on your side, but an unbiased person–preferably a professional–to mediate between you and that person.
Let me talk to my Christian friends for a moment. And if you’re reading this as someone who is not a Christian and thinking “SEE! Christians do this, too! Christians are horrible!” You’re actually kind of right. But I just want to make something very clear: our God is perfect. WE are not. Christ is perfect. But Christians are human beings, just like everyone else on this planet. And humans make mistakes.
So, my Christian sisters and brothers, I want to speak directly to you with an additional (HUGE) point to consider:
You do NOT represent Christ well when you post passive aggressively.
Where you should be showing love and forgiveness, you’re showing the world that you’re just as unforgiving, bitter, petty, and immature as everyone else. There are actually nonChristians who are embodying love and kindness much better than you. Jesus forgave YOU. So how can you not forgive those around you? And even worse, how can you so PUBLICLY show your unforgiveness for everyone to see? How does that help anyone come to Christ? Do you know what reflects Jesus well and draws people in? People showing irrational amounts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And by golly, you show the opposite of pretty much every single one of those when you post passive-aggressively on social media. So just stop it! Please, I beg you. For the good of the world. And for YOUR own good. Stop being passive aggressive.
Final Words
So if you want to be thought of as an immature brat, hurt many innocent people that you love, set a terrible example for your own kids and the future generation, continue to be the cause of much conflict and division, reflect the complete absence of any fruit of the Spirit, and (if you’re a Christian) be the proof that “Christians are hypocritical” and lead people away from the One thing that could save them…
then, by all means, go ahead and post that passive-aggressive post.
I totally understand that it takes time to grow out of old habits, but I have full faith in you that you can do it. If you need some help in what to say to build others up instead of tearing them down, check out my post on How to be an Encourager.
I know this all probably sounded quite harsh, but I am honestly so ANGRY! I’m tired of people (especially people who are supposed to be adults) tearing others down, causing conflict and division, and acting so immaturely on social media. Someone had to call it out and reprimand because I think everyone is too scared to say anything about this huge issue because they think they’ll come across as doing the very thing they’re speaking against.
Well, friends, now you can put all the blame on me. Go ahead and share this post and if anyone says anything mean to you, tell them “Anna Reel told me to share this post.” I will gladly take all the blame and insults if it means helping even just one person think a little more before they post something hurtful (hurtful to themselves and others).
One last note, I really appreciate if you share this post…but when you do, just make sure that you don’t say something passive aggressive with it. For example, don’t say “I know I have Facebook friends who need to hear this”, or “I hope a certain someone reads this”, or anything else that could be coming from a place of anger or passive-aggression.
Comment below: What other negative consequences are there to posting passive-aggressively on social media?
Nice website. I’m sure your motives are pure but the fact that you took the time and energy to create this website to attempt to change people’s personalities is futile. YES, it is a comforting though but the cynicism of society is inevitable and we just have to keep moving forward without feeling an obligation to be self righteous.
Anna Reel, I feel you and agree wholeheartedly that it’s a problem. I was briefly tempted to share this, but probably won’t, because there’s one person in particular this would be directed at. 🙂 I also have to humbly remember those times I inadvertently did the same.
Thank you well said. It’s actually hurting to those of us who would never in a million years do this! We are just stunned and shaken.