This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.
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I just can’t get it right! Everyone else is so amazing at this; they barely even have to try! It comes so naturally to them. Why is it not working for me? I must not be good enough to do this. Look at her. She knows what she’s doing and is so perfect at what she does! But me…maybe I should just give up…
Have you ever felt this way before?
Even though I talked before about how we should not compare our chapter 2 to someone else’s chapter 20, it is still a constant struggle in my life.
As I said in last week’s post, Movement Myth: “Resting is a waste of time.”, I’m the kind of person who puts my all into everything I do; if I’m going to do something, then I want to do it well. But because of this, it can be a daily battle to keep myself from falling into an impossible perfectionism.
Even with all of the advice and encouragement I received from other bloggers, authors, and friends about remembering that everyone starts at nothing, I still feel frustrated when my writing is not as good as I’d like it to be.
But why?
It’s because, whether I know it or not, I am believing the lie that “I have to be perfect at this right now.”
The same concept can be applied to anything you first try…
Have you ever wanted to be a runner, but when you first tried to run you were embarrassed because you couldn’t even run for 20 seconds without gasping for dear life?
Have you ever tried to start a new crafty hobby, but you wanted to quickly give up because your first attempt looked like a 2 year old made it?
Have you ever wanted to be as funny and clever as Lorelai and Rory Gilmore or any of your friends with their quick-witted social skills, but the last time you tried to open your mouth you felt like you said something incredibly stupid and so you retreated to your best friends, Solitude and Netflix?
How often do we excitedly give something new a try, but then become discouraged when we feel like we’re NO GOOD at it whatsoever?
This is the lie of perfection.
Let’s take a look at what some successful people would say about first attempts, failure, and success.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill
“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” Henry Ford
“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.” C. S. Lewis
“Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” J. K. Rowling
“Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back.” Babe Ruth
“The difference between winning and losing is most often not quitting.” Walt Disney
So, as you can see, the truth is:
So now that we recognize the lie and know the truth, what do we do?
Action Steps
Set goals. Take steps.
The best way to reach a big goal is to set smaller goals, little steps, leading up to your big goal. So start small.
For example, if you want to be a runner, find a good running chart that will start you off maybe running 1 minute and walking 5 minutes. Then move up to running 2 minutes and walking 4 minutes. And progress that way each week.
If it is a less tangible skill, just keep practicing it each week, preferably each day. For example, painting. If you want to be good at painting, paint a picture at least once a week.
If you want to develop your social skills, say hello to someone new. Then later take another step and ask an acquaintance how they are doing, respond, and then move on. Set yourself small goals to build up your courage, but also make sure to give yourself enough time to recharge if you are an introvert. One book that really helped me was The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World
Keep record.
Keep record of your improvement.
Write down your daily/weekly progress. Perhaps even have a journal dedicated to tracking your improvements.
If it’s something visible (i.e. gaining muscle, painting, photography, cake decorating, etc.), take a picture! Take a picture of yourself before you start working out. Take a picture of your first piece of art.
Don’t throw away anything! I know your first instinct is to want to tear up and throw away your bad sketches, ugly pictures, terrible failures, but DON’T!
Keep that first manuscript. The first poem. The first impressionist painting. The current picture of you. The recording of your first learned piano song. The first decorated birthday cake.
Keeping this will help you to look back later and see how far you’ve come.
It’s hard to see our own positive results since it is a gradual growth.
Learn from others.
Find people who have done what you are trying to do. If it’s someone famous, research their beginnings.
If it’s someone you know or who you have a chance of contacting, talk to them. Invite them to coffee, call them up, send them an email. Contact that person and casually interview them about how they started off. How they felt about their first attempts. How they feel about their work now.
Most people would love to tell you their story of growth!
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I’d love to hear your stories!
When have you ever felt that lie of “I have to be perfect at this right now”?
If you have succeeded in your battle, what have you learned? How have you grown?
Please feel free to contribute anything else you’d like to add to this topic and reply to each others’ comments to keep the conversation going! 🙂
I suffer from being a perfectionist and I’m my biggest critic. I enjoyed the quotes in your blog. Thank you.
I understand; I know I’m much more critical of myself than anyone else is of me. I’m glad you could relate to what I said in my post and enjoyed the quotes. Thank you for taking the time to comment! 🙂
As a writer, I’m encouraged by stories of famous writers whose first novels were never published or whose novels were rejected numerous times before getting published. It tells me that even those people weren’t perfect the first time out–and most still aren’t perfect now. They are simply persistent…and talented, of course. Thanks for the awesome post.
Thank you for that comment, Peggy! I find that so encouraging as well. Talent is necessary, but PERSISTENCE is even more necessary. Good, hard, consistent work. We can do it! 🙂