Oh the holiday season! It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right?
Perhaps the mention of the holidays instantly brought that subtle but oh-so-deep twinge of dread in the pit of your gut as you thought of holidays past. That one family member. That one conflict that arises EVERY SINGLE YEAR. That one dreaded question you know you’ll be asked.
That image you just got in your head — does it have to be that way?
Now I’m not going to claim to be some kind of holiday drama expert. Actually, in all honesty I have very little personal experience with the matter. The holidays are an amazing time (and typically drama-free) for me because I’m so close with my family. However, being an imperfect human who’s interacted with other imperfect humans, I’ve gained experience in other situations and have learned a thing or two from my psychology and counseling classes as well.
If you follow these tips, there is no guarantee you’ll have a drama-free holiday season, but they may just lessen the stress on you and make the holiday season one step closer to feeling like a holiday.
This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.
1. Avoid touchy topics of discussion.
Do you know that the conversation always turns to fighting and arguing when a certain topic arises? Then just avoid those topics. Don’t be the one to bring them up. If someone else goes there, you can make attempts to change the subject. Do you know a certain subject will make it difficult for you to remain calm? It’s really ok to politely leave the room. These are great bathroom break moments…or times for seconds on food…or if you’ve already exhausted both of those options: moments to instantaneously become a dog person.
2. Go in knowing that people will ask you the same annoying (and possibly seemingly condescending) questions.
What are you doing with your life? What’s your plan for after High School/College? Have a real job yet? Are you still single? Have any buns in the ol’ oven yet?
Think about it though…Most likely you are asked these kinds of questions because either 1. they genuinely care and want to know the major points of what’s going on in your life (and some may not know the kindest and most appropriate way to ask) or 2. they feel the need to converse but can think of no better conversation pieces.
Going in with that in mind will help you to not take it so personally or get offended when you get asked questions that you’re tired of being asked.
3. As far as it depends on you, keep the peace.
You may not have started the fire, but you don’t have to feed the flame.
You can’t control the words and actions of others, but you can always control YOU. You have a choice of how you act and react. Some people are impossible to please and some even enjoy conflict, but you do not have to feed into that. Do what you can to make peace. If conflict arises, then it’s not on you. You did what you could. Do what you can to keep peace and make peace. If you cannot actively be peaceful because of some deep-rooted anger or other obstacle, then at least try your best to be neutral and non-offensive. No one has power over your actions and reactions but YOU. Keep that power by remaining mature and kind.
4. Learn their love languages.
In a previous post I reviewed The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s amazing how well people tend to respond when you learn to speak their love language. Going along with #3, if you do what you can to show peace and love it becomes harder and harder for others to find a reason to fight with you or find fault in you. It may not eliminate all drama (some people are really good at finding a problem where there is none), but in most circumstances it will lessen it. It will also help you to grow as a person. Read my review of The Five Love Languages and consider reading the whole book. It will help you to understand more and love better.
5. Know expectations and definitions.
Every family is different and every person is different. Many conflicts arise when we fail to understand another person’s definition by assuming our own definition.
What does “Thanksgiving” mean to you? What does “bring a pie” mean to you? What gifts, if any, are expected? Are you expected to help clean? What is expected of you at this gathering? Don’t assume that Christmas means sitting in your jammies eating a home cooked breakfast and opening presents right away; it might mean going OUT, buying sweets & treats, and not getting to presents until late afternoon. We each have a different idea in our head of what different concepts mean and miscommunications occur when we fail to understand those differences.
Understand what the expectations are and how they define their definitions. If at all possible, find how you can go above and beyond with being helpful and kind (though be careful not to overstep any bounds — i.e. maybe they don’t want you in their kitchen). This will help you to avoid many conflicts that are brought about by miscommunication and disappointments.
I just got married on October 21st, 2016 and so this will be our 1st Christmas as a married couple. We’ve been having many conversations about how we each grew up celebrating Christmas and discussed any expectations we have. I’m sure we’ve missed some that we’ll discover as we’re experiencing our Christmas together for the first time, but we’ll enter in with communication, grace, and an open mind.
May your holiday season be filled with less drama and more grace, love, and joy!
Aww, this was such a good post with good points! Thank you for sharing. 🙂 I hope you have the best first Thanksgiving and Christmas married!
Awesome post with very helpful tips
Thank you!