To “encourage” means “to inspire courage.” It uses the power of words to inspire such courage. For some, it is a foreign language, often due to growing up without hearing it spoken very often. But some are naturally born encouragers (I happen to be one!). We all have different strengths and weaknesses…and that is wonderful! However, as we learn from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, some have the primary love language of “Words of Affirmation.” And if we want to help such people to feel loved, we must learn how to speak their language.

Just like when I learned French, learning to speak the love language of Words of Affirmation will take time and practice if it is not what you grew up hearing and speaking or if it’s not the “native tongue” of your own heart.

I know probably most of you, like I, use “encouragement” to mean all of the kinds of dialects of Words of Affirmation. So to avoid confusion for those who haven’t read the book, from here on out in this post I’m going to use the word “encouragement” in the place of “words of affirmation”, even though Chapman would say (and I would agree) that “encouragement” is a specific dialect of Words of Affirmation. (read more about it here!)

Let’s get started! Encouragement 101

This post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.

The Basics

When learning a new language, there are basic vocabulary words that must be memorized before complex sentences (or really even ANY sentences) can be constructed. Likewise, it is beneficial to first learn the general phrases of encouragement. Note, there are probably many more than what I am about to list here! But this will get you started.

Power Phrases

I like to call these the power phrases because, though they are little phrases, they pack a whole lot of meaning!

• Thank you
• I love you
• I’m proud of you

Sticker Phrases

I like to think of these as “sticker phrases.” Back in my early school days as a child, we would sometimes receive stickers with 1 word or simple phrases of praise. Also super simple, but carry a whole lot of love in its affirmations. If you read my review of The Five Love Languages, you’ll probably recognize most of these as being the dialect of praise.

• Great job!
• Wow!
• Splendid!
• You rock!
• Good work!
• Beautiful!
• Way to go!

Getting Specific

Now let’s move from the general phrases you can easily tell anyone to specifically having one person in mind. The general phrases can be expanded on, such as “Thank you for (insert something they did).” Or “I love you because (think of something specific you love them for).”  Or “I’m proud of you for (what about them makes you proud? What’s something they did that you appreciated?).” In general, girls especially like to know why they are loved. It affirms they truly are loved. And in general, guys especially like to feel respected and know you’re proud of them. However, both genders need to hear both phrases.

A key question to think about for this step is: Who is the person you’re speaking to?

What do they love? What are they passionate about? What are their interests? Pay attention and specifically compliment those things or encourage them in their passions and interests.

What do they value? Do they value family above all? Do they value their morals? Do they value having input from others? Whenever you can, encourage them, support them, and back them up as often as you can.

When you think they have a good idea–tell them so! Tell them that their idea is brilliant/creative/innovative. Did they do something for you? Shower them with thanks. Let them know you appreciate what they did.

Using specifics is a great way to show that you’re interested in them, you pay attention, and you care.

Going Deep

If you really want to be a fluent speaker of encouragement, there’s one more step to take it further: go deep! We’ve learned the basics, we’ve learned how to get person-specific, and now this is where we get detailed and in-depth. This is typically the speech or letter–what you say beyond a 1 sentence encouragement.

One way to get you started is to use the paragraph method. This sets your encouragement up like a basic 4-6 sentence paragraph. Let’s renew from our younger school days the structure of a paragraph:

I. Introduction (1 sentence)
II. Body (2-4 sentences)
III. Conclusion (1 sentence)

How does this work with our encouragement?

I. State your basic encouragement
II. Use 2-4 sentences to EXPLAIN, EXPAND, and (give) EXAMPLES
III. Restate the basic encouragement in a different way

Here are a few examples:

Thank you for washing the dishes today. Your kind act of service made me feel taken care of and loved by you. It also gave me the extra time I needed today to get more tasks done. I appreciate that you gave up some of your own time to wash the dishes. Thank you!

I’m so proud of you! I’ve seen you grow so much over these past few years. You’ve inspired me and I know your story will inspire others, as well! I look forward to continuing to see you grow! I’m proud of the woman you are and are becoming.

You did a wonderful job at your recital! I’m so glad I was able to come! I could tell you were well practiced and you sang your piece so beautifully! Who knew you had such a powerful voice within you! You also had excellent stage presence. I was entranced in your performance and almost forgot where I was! What a delightful recital! I cannot wait to hear you sing again!

Go Encourage!

I hope this post has helped you to have a basic understanding of encouragement and helped you to now have a good place to start in developing your encouraging skills! Go put what you learned into practice right now! You can use any or all of the 3 steps. Perhaps you want to start small by using the basic phrases. Or perhaps you feel ready to get specific and go deep! Remember, it can be spoken or written words of encouragement–whatever you feel most comfortable doing! Though I challenge you to give both a try!

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What are some of the most encouraging words YOU have ever been told?