How to Bravely Be Yourself in a Sea of Same

Today is the day, my friend. It’s time to stop conforming to those around you and hiding who you really are. I know you long for authenticity, acceptance, and belonging. My dear friend, you will not find any of those things if you continue to shy away from being yourself. You were meant for so much more! In this post we’ll discuss 7 advantages of embracing your weird, how to know who you are, and how to find the courage to be yourself.

If you’d prefer to watch the video version of this post, click here to watch it on YouTube.

Little kids are the most authentic people I know. They don’t yet fear what other people think. They just confidently wear that batman costume or crazy outfit, dance their hearts out in public, and proudly show off their scribbles and creations. Young children do not yet know feelings of embarrassment or shame. They don’t worry about being “good enough” or fitting in. They are simply themselves and enjoying the heck out of life. But at some point along the way, most of us, as CJ Casciotta describes it, “had the weird kicked out of us.”

“At some tragic point, you shared what was inside your imagination out loud with someone and their response wasn’t what you were expecting. They told you that it was weird. And they said it like it was a bad thing. They brushed it off, calling it idealistic, impractical, and foolish. And here’s the crazy part: They were right. It was weird. It was foolish. And it was that way on purpose…Sure, there’s an idealism that robs us of contentment and acceptance, but there’s also an imagination that ignites change, innovation, and movement, especially when it comes to how we view and treat each other as human beings…We need weirdness to keep the world moving, to help solve its problems, to change our minds and rattle our hearts. More specifically, we need your weirdness” (Get Weird, Casciotta).

I hope by the end of this post you will feel inspired to work on embracing more of who you are—quirks and all—and feel encouraged to let more of who you are shine through to others. Let’s start with taking a look at some advantages of embracing your weird.

 

7 Advantages of Embracing Your Weird

1. Feeling authentic and genuine

No more hiding. No more feeling like a fraud. No more wondering and worrying about what people will think if you show them who you are; you’ll know (for better or for worse). It feels really good and freeing to be your natural self. Those I’ve met who’ve learned to embrace who they are more seem to have this extra joy about them. They’re in sync with who they are and who they present themselves to be. It’s so genuine, honest, and real. People are often drawn to them. It’s beautiful.

2. True friendships

If you hide who you are, there’s often fear of “will they still like me if I am myself?”, but when you are fully yourself, you’ll know that your friends truly like you for you. Being genuine with people also builds trust and connection.

“This process of initiating ‘Me too,’ ‘I’m with you,’ ‘We’re together in our weirdness’ carries with it an unbelievable power to reconcile. It’s a mending power, a bringing-together magnetic force that takes people out of their isolation and into legitimate belonging” (Get Weird, CJ Casciotta).

It’s also a great way to make new friends by being honest about the things you like because you can connect over similar interests, which brings us to the next advantage…

3. Enjoy life more fully

When you embrace who you are, that also means you can freely like and enjoy what you like and enjoy. You let yourself feel and express the fullness of your emotions. There’s no holding back and denying your interests but rather allowing yourself to talk about them and enjoy them fully.

4. Unique creativity

No two people are exactly alike. You have a certain personality, strengths, weaknesses, and life experiences that all combined give you a unique perspective that is valuable to this world. It can help you to solve problems or create something different and beautiful. Some of the most famous inventors, producers, artists, and musicians throughout history were first ridiculed for being too weird before they became popular. And now they stand out as being the greatest of all time because they were so different.

5. Stand out and succeed

Learning to embrace your weird and harness your unique creativity and perspective will make you stand out from the competition. With so many people in the world with businesses, blogs, books, etc., you have to be different to catch people’s attention and be heard.

6. Reach your full potential

When you try to be someone you’re not, you hold yourself back from being able to fully use your gifts, quirks, and abilities. As Judy Garland said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” Your best life comes from a growing acceptance of who you are. Also, the more you embrace who you are, the more you’ll learn about yourself, and as I’ve said many times on this blog—the more you know yourself, the more you can grow yourself.

7. Inspire others

Embracing your own weird often inspires others to do the same. You taking those brave steps first gives others permission to be themselves with you, as well as encourages them to live more authentically with others. I still have a LONG way to go in learning to embrace who I am more fully, but even in my little acts of trying to be brave and be myself, I’ve had people write to me to tell me I inspired them to face a fear and show up as who they are too. If you feel like so many people around you just conform to the rest of the world, consider that perhaps some of them are just waiting for someone to make the first bold move to be weird so they can too.

Sometimes this inspiration can even go way beyond just your immediate circle. For example, popular trends are started by someone first being weird and very untrendy until it caught on. Movements begin by someone first standing up against the status quo, and others are inspired to join in the cause.

“A truly sustainable movement gathers people around something meaningful in order to create change. Every movement begins with an invitation to embrace something different, a unique point of view that stands in direct defiance of Same…Before movements are remembered for being extraordinary, they’re questioned for being weird” (Get Weird, CJ Casciotta).

 

 

How to Know Who You Are

Ok, so now hopefully you can see the benefits of embracing who you are…but what if you don’t know who you are? Perhaps you’ve been conforming, trying to fit in, earn admiration, and meet other people’s expectations of you for so long that you don’t even know who you are anymore. Don’t worry. You can discover yourself again. Here are a few ways to get you started.

1. Spend time alone with your thoughts

Take some time away from people. Get off of social media for a while. Isolate yourself from the world. If you can take some time off work and from your responsibilities to go on a little mini retreat, do so. If not, then just spend even an hour alone each night.

This may be easier for some than others. I’ve met quite a few people who are scared of being alone with their thoughts, but it’s the only way to truly know what’s going on deep inside of you. Away from distractions. Away from the noise. No other person to mimic, react to, fear judgment from, or compare yourself to.

Perhaps see a counselor. They’re a great resource in providing a safe, unbiased environment free of judgment for helping you to process and work through things. Or if you’re unable to see a counselor, then perhaps start a diary to journal your thoughts. Regularly record what you’re thinking and feeling. Ask yourself difficult questions. Work through your opinions on various subjects. Writing is a helpful technique for sorting out what’s going on inside our minds. It also allows you to look back on your thoughts from a distance. This process can be very enlightening in getting a better glimpse of what’s going on inside of you.

2. Learn more about how you’re wired

Research personality types. Take quizzes to help determine your own. Dive in deep to truly discover how your mind works. The Personality category on my blog is a great place to start. I have several blog posts there covering the basics of some common personality frameworks for beginners.

My journey of studying personality has really helped me in understanding more about who I am, and I know many others who have also benefitted from it. Again, “know yourself, grow yourself.”

3. Experiment

In Stranger Things Season 3, the character El asks her friend Max about how you can know what you like. Max answers,”You just try things on until you find something that feels like you.” That’s often what it takes to learn more about who you are, what you think of things, what you like or don’t like—TRY IT! Try it while you’re alone and free from judgment of others that may sway your opinion.

Here are a few questions for you to answer after you’ve done some experimenting and have some alone time to reflect on your experiences:

1. What activities bring me joy and leave me feeling happy and energized?
2. What activities drain my energy and leave me feeling icky or exhausted?
3. If there was no fear of judgment, how would I enjoy spending my time?
4. If there was no fear of judgment, how would I spend my money?
5. If there was no fear of judgment, what kind of people would I like to hang out with?
6. If it was guaranteed I could succeed, what would I be doing with my life?

 

 

How to Find the Courage

So far we’ve covered the advantages of being yourself and embracing your weird, how to even know who you are, and now let’s talk about how to find the courage to be yourself.

Recognize where your fear comes from

Most of these types of fears come from caring too much about what other people think of you. Perhaps you want to avoid feelings of rejection, tension, resistance, judgment, or ridicule. Maybe you fear no one will like the real you and you’ll have no friends. You want to be liked, admired, respected, and accepted. Perhaps you desire a certain status or success that can only be achieved by conforming to a certain way of life or maybe you just want to feel like you belong somewhere.

Recognize where your fear is coming from so you can get at the root of the problem.

Change your thoughts

If you care too much about what other people think of you, ask yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?” Feeling rejected or judged is a horrible feeling, but it’s rarely life-threatening. It’s also important to recognize what that rejection or judgment would MEAN to us. Rejection and judgment are not the cause of your negative emotions, but rather it’s what you THINK about it.

You may be shaking your head at me here, but think about it: Why are some people more easily able to bounce back from rejection and judgment than others? It’s because they don’t let their thoughts make it mean something horrible. They exchange lies such as “I’m not good enough or they wouldn’t judge me” for a truth such as “their thoughts of me do NOT affect my worth. Their judging is THEIR own problem.”

Perhaps you’re thinking “ok, so what if I work on not letting their words and actions negatively affect me? It doesn’t change the fact that I won’t have any friends because they’ll think my authentic self is too weird.” I’d challenge you by saying: what’s the alternative? Being liked for who you are not? If that’s the case, then they don’t really like YOU but rather the false persona you’ve created. The only way you’ll find TRUE friends who LIKE YOU FOR YOU is by being yourself.

“True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance” (Daring Greatly, Brené Brown).

Acknowledge how you feel when you’re out of sync

I’m guessing it probably doesn’t feel so good when you know you’re either pretending to be someone you’re not or just holding back parts of yourself, especially from those you care about most. It feels like your life is not in sync with your soul. Perhaps you feel like you’re lying to people. You’re likely also living in some kind of constant fear and anxiety or else you’d be confidently being yourself by now. None of that is fun.

I want you to LEAN INTO that pain. Acknowledge how it feels when you’re not living in sync with who you really are. As people, we are motivated by an avoidance of pain. Right now you’re not being yourself because the pain of what you think will cause rejection or judgment or loss of status is greater than the pain of not being yourself. So lean into and acknowledge the pain of being out of sync; that will help motivate you to make a change.

Imagine how you’d feel if you could be fully yourself

Just as avoidance of pain is one of the main motivators to us as humans, pleasure is the other powerful motivator. We are driven to do things that we think will make us happy or feel good.

So I want you to pause with me for a moment.

Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like for you to confidently and fully be yourself. How would it feel to be able to love and embrace who you are? I know I already asked it in the previous section, but I really want you to pause and think about it right now: how would you be living your life if you felt confident in who you are and the things you know you could offer this world? What career would you have? What hobbies would you be spending time on? How would it feel to be your authentic self in your relationships and to find belonging with some close friends who truly love you for you?

Don’t you want that? Let that motivate you.

Find fellow weirdos

Have you seen people who seem so genuine and confident in embracing who they are? Talk to those people. Spend time with them. Authenticity is often inspiring and sometimes even contagious! When someone is first brave enough to be themselves, it often causes others around them to think “maybe I can too.” So hang out with them and let their courage and authenticity rub off on you.

Understand that it will likely take time

It can be very discouraging when you’re trying to be yourself more but either keep falling back into old conforming habits or even face that judgment you feared. But remember that you won’t be a confident, best authentic version of yourself overnight. It will likely take practice, continued effort, and perseverance. But little by little, if you keep working at it, you’ll start to feel more like yourself and build your confidence.

Also keep in mind that you may face some bad before it gets good. If you’ve been living inauthentically for a long time, some people may not react well once you start to shift into being more of your REAL self. I’m not saying to expect the worst, but recognize that it may not go well. They may need some time to adjust and that’s ok, but TRUE friends will like you for you and appreciate you learning to live more authentically. If they react poorly, then I’m sorry, but you need to find new friends.

But don’t give up. You WILL find your people.

There’s so much more to gain by being yourself than there is to lose. I promise you it will be worth it. The world doesn’t need some lesser, disguised and conforming version of yourself. The world needs YOU being YOU. So embrace your weird, my friend.

 

---

Comment Below…

What’s something you’ve been learning to embrace in yourself? Or share a time that being yourself helped you to make a friend or inspired someone else.

 

Coming up next…

• An interview with a man who is a great example of embracing who you are. I hope his story inspires you!
• A letter of encouragement for the one who doesn’t feel like they fit in.
• A guest post from a woman on the perception of “weird” and learning to embrace who she is.
• A post with stories from multiple people about their journey of learning to embrace their weird. I’m still currently accepting submissions until November 9th. Learn more here.