Hello! I’m Rachel from over at www.socialworkcommunity.com and I’m very excited to be sharing this post with you today. It’s a post I’ve been thinking about for a few months now and it’s a topic I honestly think about and am always trying to improve upon on a daily basis.
First, let me share a little about me–I work full-time as a social worker (which of course means that I generally work more than full-time!), am a mom to 2 energetic boys ages 5 and 7, and launched my blog 4-5 months ago. My plate is full and I work hard to make sure that my cup is never empty. When my cup is empty, I am just no good–I get overwhelmed, get angry for no reason at those closest to me, and am not efficient with my time and energy.
Today I want to share some simple strategies with you that I use to fill my cup on a regular basis.
This guest post originally appeared on Anna’s 1st blog, Annamotion.
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Decide on your priorities and then let those priorities be what drive you to say yes and to say no
2 of my top priorities right now in life are having quality time with my family and taking good care of myself. So I try as much as possible, when something is not a requirement of me (such as work obligations), to let these priorities guide my decision-making. I’m actually pretty horrible at saying no–but having some sort of filter for myself to be able to base my decision on helps saying no come a little more easily.
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Realistic expectations
This one is in constant flux for me. I often start off with really high expectations for myself and then need to stop, reflect, and remember that I need to be realistic or I’m going to make myself crazy. So for example, for my blog–I started out believing I would be able to write 1-2 posts per week. Turns out that was not a realistic expectation if I was going to spend any quality time with my family still (which clearly is very much on the priority list!). Here’s the honest truth: I CANNOT do it all, so having realistic expectations helps me not to feel the need to do it all–I do what I can. This often means my house is not super tidy (not one of my priorities, but could totally be one of yours!), that I don’t wear make-up (not taking the time for that in the mornings!), and that my boys don’t get showers every night.
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Making small moments count
Maybe it’s less about making them count as it is about appreciating them and even just letting them happen. My boys love tickle fights. I don’t necessarily love them, but I know how important it is for us to spend time laughing together. So, a week ago or so, at bed time one of them suggested a tickle fight while I was singing their bedtime songs and, much to their surprise, I said yes. And we had one heck of a laugh together. Now that night the tickle fight was the whole song and of course they’ve continued to suggest it every night since–we’ve cut it down to being the last refrain of the song (cause man, getting through the whole song while being tickled and tickling just wasn’t realistic for this mama!). They love it. And I love that we are ending the day with giggles instead of arguments, frustration, etc. It’s a minute of time I had to consciously give myself permission to embrace and to appreciate. Yet it’s one of those things that I think they’ll remember for years to come, even though it’s only 1 minute of our time together.
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Reframing from a place of gratitude
It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed by the day to day. My days include getting kids out of bed, ready for the day, eating breakfast, making sure lunches are in backpacks (and making lunch if forgot the night before), getting them to school, dealing with morning traffic, working hard for 8+ hours, picking kids up from daycare, getting home, making and eating dinner, making sure homework gets done, getting kids ready for bed, putting them to bed, etc. There are many moments in the day when I start to hear myself saying, “ugh, is this really my life?” And then I stop myself and look around at my children, my husband, my home, my coworkers, and say “Wow, this is my life!” And I feel grateful instead of drained. I’m trying to do this more in the moments when I feel myself starting to get frustrated with kids not listening or having repeated myself a bazillion times–stopping myself, seeing the moment for what it is, and responding from a calm place. I also find this idea of reframing really helpful when work is the thing that is stressing me out–reminding myself what I love about my job, the flexibility that is offered, and the camaraderie I’ve developed with coworkers. There will be bad days, but that does not need to be my focus. I can decide to focus on the things I’m grateful for and then I don’t feel so overwhelmed.
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And when all else fails, perhaps my favorite strategy–Practicing self-compassion.
Here’s the truth…I do not “do it all” and I often don’t meet my own expectations of myself. I’m not always the upbeat, positive parent that I thought I would be (or want to be). I’m not always able to be the kind of worker that I expect myself to be. I often fail my friends. I don’t keep my house looking clean nearly as often or as thoroughly as I want to. But that’s ok. I’m doing the best I can, I’m human, and I am me doing me. Instead of beating my own self up, I’m choosing to be kind to myself just like I would a friend…and you know what, I deserve that kind of self-treatment. And so do you.
What are your thoughts? How do you manage the stresses of life and keep your cup filled in the day to day chaos? I would love it if you shared your own thoughts and ideas on the topic of living a fulfilling life and finding balance–we can learn from one another!
If you’ve enjoyed this post, here are a few more from Rachel that you might enjoy:
Overcoming Self-doubt in Social Work and Top 10 Self-Care Ideas
You can also check out the Social Work Community Pinterest boards at https://www.pinterest.com/socialworkcommu for more inspirational and practical ideas.
Rachel, MSW is a licensed Advanced Practice Social Worker and has been working in the area of child welfare for over 10 years. She is the founder of www.socialworkcommunity.com, a website/blog with the goal of creating a positive community for social workers to gather, connect, and inspire one another. Rachel is also a proud mama and is always on the lookout for ways to improve her own self-care as well as encouraging those around her to do the same.
I think your emphasis on gratitude is vital to any balanced life. Our lives will never be completely balanced, but our attitudes can be more balanced.
Can I also say that being kind to yourself is such an important thing. We cannot love others as we love ourselves if we are not loving ourselves to begin with. I’ve started to notice that this is a real issue with me. I need to be compassionate with myself in order to be life-affirming for others. I must let go of regrets and mistakes and outrageous expectations and keep moving forward, as they say.
God bless you. I loved this article!